A Heart Divided: the tension of 2 homes

This is the longest I've been away from Bolivia in the 5 and a half years I've lived there.  And this was the hardest it's ever been to come home to the States.  Not because I didn't want to be here.  I do!  But this time I left behind so much more...

I miss the incredible outdoors in the Andes and the exotic new places to explore.  The strange, new plants and trees to discover, the wild fruit and flowers to gather and the thrill of soaking in a place I didn't grow up in.  The water isn't clearer, the sky isn't bluer, and the grass isn't really greener, but there's still something intangible and alluring.

I miss my partner in adventures, and his motorcycle that takes us to the places we want to explore.  I miss coming home at night and being able to process and unwind with Collin.  I miss his crazy goofiness and his passion for life that inspires me to be a better version of myself, to get out in the world and try new things.  I just miss him.

When I'm in Bolivia, I miss my parents.  They're my other partners in adventure.  We hike and bike, go on runs, x-country ski, have campfires in the back yard and play bananagrams at night.  I didn't grow up in the Latin culture where children and parents stay close through their adult lives, but boy does it make sense to me now.

I miss Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings with my vecinitos (little neighbor kids).  I think I even miss them ringing my bell 2 or 3 times a day, yelling "¡KAA-TIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" when I don't come to the door right away.  I miss Jhonny's heartbreaking smile when he's looking for approval or love.  I miss Liz's energy and excitement as she helps me wash dishes or make food.  I hope I get to see them a lot when I go back.  There's a part of me that's so afraid that something will happen to them while I'm away, or that they'll stop making the several kilometer walk to visit me a couple times a week, now that they live far away.

But in Bolivia, I miss my close, deep, rich friendships.  Friendships like Tia and Bonnie who've known me since elementary school and pre-school.  Or friends like Jessica who has given me unconditional friendship since high school.  There's nothing like friends who have known you for decades, who you can pick right back up with as though years hadn't gone by since the last time you saw each other.  Friends to run and hike with, friends to stay up late talking with or go thrift store shopping with, or just share lunch.  I am SO grateful for my time here to soak up those relationships and fill my tank back up.

I REALLY miss my boyfriend Humberto.  I sure wish it was easier to talk to Bolivia from the States and vice versa!  I miss connecting with him every day.  I miss the way he makes me laugh, his smiles, and the way he screws up his face when he makes a joke.  I miss making dinner with his sisters and staying up late with them, feeling a part of the family.  I miss playing music with him, leading worship with him, listening to new songs with him.  I know distance is supposed to be good and healthy for a relationship.  Right now, it just feels plain hard.

I miss watching Collin and Matias take nap time together.  What I really miss is scooping up Matias in my arms and holding him close, feeling him gently stroke my arm and finger my hair.  I miss his squeals of delight when I tickle him or chase him around the apartment.  I miss his toothy smiles and bath time splashes.  I miss his the way he finds me with a book in hand, asking to read, and the soft coos he makes when he sees birds.  I miss his insistent "buh?" noises when he asks if a bus is going to drive past our apartment and makes the sign for more when one finally does.  I never realized how deep my love runs for Matias until I left and he left a big, Matias-size hole in my heart.  I have dreams about arriving back in Bolivia and scooping him up in my arms again.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to let him go again when I see him again in real life.

Matias as a Jack-o-lantern

I'm not super into Halloween.  But I've always loved traditions and the familiar rhythm of doing something I've done since I was a kid.  Carving Matias' face into our pumpkin this year seemed like a good way to feel just a little closer to him.  When I'm in Bolivia, carving a watermelon (the closest thing to the size of a pumpkin) just doesn't seem to cut it.  Roasted, salted watermelon seeds don't even come close to the yummy pumpkin seeds my mom made this year.

I miss my third grade kiddos.  A lot.  I miss their constant hugs, their unconditional love, the way they delight me with their perspective on the world and their mischievous smiles.  I miss teaching.  I miss reading books during snack in our reading corner and opening up a whole new world of imagination and make believe for my kids.  I hope all my kids return to The Center next year.

I miss sunsets on my balcony over Cochabamba.  Enough said.

When I'm in Bolivia, I desperately miss snow.  It's not the same to drive up into the mountains and see where it's collected, hard and crusty on the Andes.  I love to run in it, taste it, smell it.  I love to sit on my bed and watch it fall outside, or walk out my front door and enjoy in the contrast of harvest red rosehips on soft snow.

And when I'm in Bolivia, I miss the homegrown apples off our apple tree.  And the homemade applesauce, apple tart, apple pie.......  Imported apples from Chile that we get in Bolivia just aren't the same as the sweet tang of a rosy Macintosh apple straight from the tree.

Matias!

family photo at Plaza Colón

My nephew Matias is one of the brightest spots in my life.  I just can't help but share that bright spot with everyone!

making sounds for the pictures Humberto drew

hiking at Q'omerqhocha

Liz, one of the neighbor kids, took this picture

not so excited about breakfast

Laundry time on the terraza

reading about cars and trucks and things that go

bathtime with rubber ducky!

I don't have anything profound to write about my recent hike on the edge of the Andean-jungle border.  Nothing amazing happened on the backpack, and I didn't come to any deep realizations.  But I did get to see some amazing country on the drive there, and the vegetation in the jungle was pretty spectacular.  Here are some snippets of beauty we saw:

Snow on the ride in!! It was mostly hardened and crusty, but it was still SNOW!!

There were 20 of us, not my ideal of a great backpack size, but it turned out to me not quite as bad as I thought.  In a group of random 20 people, mainly Latin Americans, there was a young woman, Nanette, who happened to be living in Colorado and is from Spokane (where I went to college).  Her family lives a couple blocks from my aunt, uncle and cousins!  Small world.

We saw a fair amount of loq'osti, or wild tumbo, that Humberto and I have harvested before.  It was fun to be able to identify plants in Bolivia for the rest of the group!

Collin, Julie and I shared a tent, camped right in the middle of the old road we used as a trail.  The road is more than a half century old, and built so well that miles and miles of it have stayed passable after decades of little or no use.  It was only when we began the descent into the jungle that landslides had made the road impassable for cars.

The moss we camped on, which grew in the road almost the whole hike, was so soft it felt like carpet.  In Bolivia, this type of moss is also called "Nacimiento de Jesús", or "Birth of Jesus" because it's harvested and sold in cities around Christmas time for decorations and making Nativity scenes.  We took our shoes off, and I backpacked barefoot for the first time, enjoying the spongy softness beneath my feet.

Gratitude

It feels slightly cliche to write about being grateful for the little things, or to write about gratitude in general.  But the last couple of days, I've felt incredibly grateful.  Writing about that gratitude somehow makes it more concrete, more real, and I hope will serve as a sort of ebeneezer that I can look back on when the opposite occurs and the little things in life drag me down and nip at me with frustration, darkness and hopelessness.

I'm grateful for my nephew, Matias, and for the grace of every moment spent with him.  He's one of life's biggest gifts to me.  His giggles and 4 teeth smiles fill me up inside.

I'm grateful for Humberto.  His grace and patience with me has taken me by surprise.  I'm grateful for someone who knows me, who fights to know me, and who doesn't give up when the going gets rough.








I'm grateful for grace and hope.  Both of which have played a significant role in the restoration of a friendship I had given up for lost.  I can't give thanks enough for His perseverance, even when we've given up.

I'm grateful for Manuel's smile.  He was in my class last year and only recently came back to The Center.  Something has softened in him, and it's beautiful to see the hard edges melt away into his beautiful, toothy smile.

I'm grateful for the neighbor kids, especially Jhonny (3) who always greets me yelling "KATI!!!" at the top of his lungs and pumping his little arms as he barrels towards me at top speed.  He's a little sponge, imitating everything around him, like the dance moves Collin makes:)

But mostly, I'm just grateful for Him.  Grateful for the saving grace I've found in Him and the life He fills me with every day.  Grateful for an anchor when I feel tossed about and grateful for a solid Rock to stand on.  HE is the root of all my gratitude.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.  His love endures forever."  

Psalm 136:1

Current construction needs

1. Mario's salary/finish 1st floor- AUGUST SALARY FUNDED
Mario is the head construction worker at The Center and has been working at the Center construction site for 2 years.  He's a rare find in construction: honest, hard-working, good at his job and reliable.  Our ministry at The Center has begun to extend to the surrounding community, beginning with Mario and his family.  He and his wife live a few houses away from the Center with their two daughters, Rebeca and Ruth.  His youngest daughter, Ruth, is enrolled in first grade at The Center.  Mario and his family were Jehovah's Witness, but are now attending The Center church.
 

FUNDED: In order to employ Mario monthly we need aprox $560 monthly.  In addition to Mario's salary, we need continued support for materials to be able to continue the work on the first floor.  To tile the floor of the remaining 3 classrooms, we need $615.  Plastering the remaining 2 classrooms will cost $250.  Electricity for the remaining 4 classrooms will cost $250.


2. Doors & windows for first floor classrooms- FUNDED
We have purchased the doors for the remaining 4 classrooms on the first floor, but haven't been able to raise the $55 per door needed to hire a carpenter, purchase the locks and door handles, and install them.  We have installed the window frames for each of the bottom 4 classrooms, but haven't yet raised the aprox. $90 needed per classroom to purchase the glass panes and pay for installation.  Total we need approximately $145 per classroom to ready it for winter.

The sun goes down around 6pm, right around the time we finish The Center classes for the day.  Winter is closing in, and May signals the beginning of the cold season.  Temperatures can drop into the low 40s, and with no central heating, doors and windows go a long way in helping to trap body heat in the classroom.  June and July are the coldest months in Cochabamba, and we hope to have windows and doors for each classroom by then.

3. permanent bathrooms- $200 needed
We are currently using impromptu bathrooms for the kids, consisting of two holes in the ground, each around 5ft deep and 3 ft wide.  The makeshift outhouses work for now, but once the holes fill up, we'll need a more permanent solution.

We've raised $4,800 towards our end goal of $5,000.  We estimate that with around $3,750 we can finish the bare bones of the bathrooms and have a functioning place for children and staff to use.  The remaining $1,250 would be used to finish off the bathroom walls with plaster, install hand washing stations and other non-essential aspects of the bathrooms.

If you're interested in responding to one of these needs, go to wwws.iteams.org/us/giving-form and designate your gift to Centro de Amistad-construction.

The Center: First days of classes

I arrived the first day of Center over a half an hour early, and kids were already lined up outside the door, waiting to come in!  When the kiddos first walked in the door, they were greeted with smiling Shelby, a Center volunteer who helps them wash their hands.  Then they all ran around, exploring The Center and playing with their Center friends from previous years.

Most of the kids knew each other from the last two years of Center, so they were immediately more comfortable with something familiar in an unfamiliar place.

4th grade

The first day of school I team taught 4th grade with Naida, one of the other Bolivian teachers on staff.  The original plan was for Naida and I to team teach my old class of third graders, but during enrollment, only 2 of my old students signed up for classes this year.  During the Sunday enrollment, we decided to open The Center up to 4th grade as well.

                                                                                Neida and I played a couple games outside with the 4th graders, practicing left and right with chalk on the patio, and played musical chairs with the ringtones on my cellphone.  The kids had a great time, enjoying the new space and getting to move around during tutoring.

After the first day of class, we opened up second 3rd grade class, primarily with my old students, which meant I got to work with my kids again.  It also meant I didn't have a classroom, as we only had 2 classrooms and 1 large room available for the 5 classes.  I held class out on the patio in the middle of dogs barking, kids running around at recess, and the construction noise of the workers welding metal on the second floor.  I loved being with my kiddos again, but it was quite a challenge!

Despite all the construction supplies and rubble filling one of the bottom floor rooms, the kids still had a good time playing foosball with a small lemon for a ball.  By Friday of the first week, we were finally able to clean out all the bags of plaster, styrofoam and other materials and deep clean the floor so I could move my class into a place with 4 walls!  I still don't have a door or windows, which means noise from recess on the patio and construction still interferes, but I can finally store materials in my classroom and be a much more effective teacher.